Remembering

Often I think that I'll always remember how things are.  Things that make me happy, lessons I learn, moments that are so fricking adorable you want to just wrap them in bubble wrap and stick them in a time capsule.  They are such rich pieces of time that I think I'll never be able to forget them.  Perhaps, but then again, perhaps not.  Just in case, here's a short list of some things right now I want to hold on to.  Yes, many of them involve Erika, for a 3-almost-4 year old is oh so clever and adorable, but I also want to be sure to think about myself...what I'm like at 36-almost-37 years old, and what's important to me right now too.

1. Life not about a single moment, but about multiple snapshots.  I want to remember not to judge a day on a moment, but as a whole.  I can be having the toughest day at work, but then I come home to a thoughtful husband and adoring child, and all is right with the world.  I want to remember that a day is not made by a single action or even a series of awful actions, but how you feel at the end of it.  I have to stop dwelling on times that are rough and just flow easier. 
2. Erika calling me her "best best friend".  I realize that moms are supposed to be moms, not friends, but right now this is rank #1 for her.  She's identifying me as the most important person in her life, and I just love it.  It's accompanied every day by multiple hugs, kisses and cuddles, and sometimes I'm not sure how I survived without this copious amount of affection.  It's awesome.
3. Don't laugh when your child is being obstinate.  Now, at this stage it's damn cute and clever, but it will grow into a child that thinks defiance is OK, and even amusing.  I want Erika to grow up with good boundaries and respect for others.  
4. I am not one of the younger teachers in my school.  I know this realization is long coming, but for a while I worked in schools with aging teachers.  Now, I am not the youngest by far.  In my late 30s, I have colleagues I consider friends over a decade younger than me.  That's OK.  I am alright with being a teacher that has been there a while, and has the answers I need to have right now.  While youth is nice, experience is good too.    


5. Play more.  My house is not spotless.  Dishes often linger in the sink and the bench by my front door is a catch-all during the week.  Laundry is only allowed on weekends and my kitchen counters are cluttered.  As my Dad puts it last time he came over- "your place is messy, but you make it work."  In our house, there is always time for a tea-party (today Erika sprinkled sugar, marshmallows and LOVE into my tea...*sigh*...), a puzzle is fun, stickers are timeless, and building houses out of mega-blocks until they crumble is great.  Playing is connecting, and it's my favorite.

:)

Matching stickers!

She applied all of mine, walked away, and came back with the same ones on herself.  Great memory. :)

Carving.  She wouldn't touch the pumpkin innards, but loved wielding the spoon. :)

The off switch

Been REALLY busy around here.  I fondly remember weeks where there was one, or maybe two events to remember and attend.  Not anymore!! This past week, for example, in addition to working, I had something going on every day except for Friday night. Dance lessons, swimming lessons, shopping for a wedding shower, board meeting, dentist appointment, social, dog-sitting and a wedding shower were all scheduled for this week. Serious craziness.
Now, you'd think that when you're that busy, you'd just drop off to sleep as soon as the opportunity arises.  Not me!  As soon as there's the hint of extra events or responsibilities, my brain kicks into overdrive and won't slow down enough for sleep.  What usually happens is that I'll fall asleep fairly easily, but then SOMETHING will wake me up in the wee hours of the night (too hot, random noise, etc) and I cannot get back to sleep.  For 1.5h plus, I'll lie there and stress about what's happening the next day, and all the possible things I have to remember or have to do yet.  I'm not tired enough to just pass out, so I stress.  It's happened about 3x this week,and it takes a toll.  I just want the brain to have an off switch (non-pharmaceutical! lol) that would help in these situations.

That rant over, this week has been a blast.  Erika is loving the new hip-hop dance class she's in Monday nights- I am the first to admit she's not the most coordinated or gets the moves right away, but she has the biggest smile all class and just loves it.  That alone is reason to keep taking her. 
Swimming is great too- she's for the first time in the water without me, and loving it.  We have some skills to work on (back float/swim, jumping in unassisted) and others we're really good at.  She's a nervous girl in uncertain situations, but willing to try.  I love that she tries...and trusts those around her that assure her she'll be safe.  :)
We have Owen for a couple days right now too- my favorite old dog ever.  He is so easy-going and Erika dotes on him at all times.  He lets her too, which is even more awesome. 
The wedding social for Kirsten and wedding shower for Jessica was a lot of fun too- at both I got to visit and see great friends and celebrate the special moments in their lives.  Erika came to the shower too, and was so excited to be old enough to come to a "party just for girls".  Although a little high-maintenance, she did well and had fun. 

All ready to go to the wedding shower- in a dress I wasn't sure I'd find an opportunity for her to wear befoe it was too small. I even had gold shoes to finish the outfit.  :) 

Erika is always good with cuddles.

All 3 of us squished into the loveseat.  I wouldn't change it. 

Things can slow down any time now, that would be OK.

When I look back.

I haven't blogged in a long time.  I don't think there's just one reason- I mean, I like the record I'm making of my life that will last for years to come (I copy and paste as a word doc to save), I like sharing my thoughts, ideas and perspectives with those that want to hear it, and I enjoy writing in general.
All I can say is that I just lost momentum.  I'm doing the things that have to be done daily/weekly, then spending time on the easy stuff.  I'm not having much left over for the things that take a bit more effort.  What I think that I have to remind myself is that when I look back years from now, it's going to be the extras I remember- not the loads of laundry, the finished marking, not the pins I've pinned on Pinterest, or the facebook status.
It's the moments you immortalize.  I don't have the best memory (just ask me to remember last year's student's names) so I can't even say that these special moments are safe.  I think I need to talk more of the extra things that happen, the special things I want to save for later and the daily happenings I'll get a kick reading about in the future. I need to put as much effort into this for me, as I do for other things less important.